21世纪年轻女性的“救生圈”和“野外求生工具包”
对于女孩和年轻女性来说，这是一个不断变化的时代：她们从未有过如此多的自由和选择，但是，她们也从来没有像现在这样，对自己和他人提出如此多的要求。
塔拉·波特博士（Dr Tara Porter）在本书中把自己数十年的经验直接写给女孩和年轻女子们，帮助她们了解自己的心理。从考试到友谊，从家庭到爱情，塔拉把她所了解的一切汇集到一起，为世界各地的青少年和年轻女性提供易于理解的解释与建议。《你不懂我》（YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME）就像一封来自一位明智的朋友或姐姐的温暖信件，它不仅理解年轻人的观点，而且还引导她们克服她们所面临的挑战。
《你不懂我》是一本专门写给青少年和年轻女性的书，它不仅向她们解释自己的想法，同时也为她们的父母提供了一个不可或缺的指南，帮助他们在自己的女儿翻个白眼，说出：“你不理解我”的时候理解她们。
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME
The Young Woman’s Guide to Life
About the author ii
Introduction 1
CHAPTER 1: ATTACHMENT AND BELONGING 6
Toxic parenting 19
What helps is one good attachment 23
Attachment in teenage years 26
CHAPTER 2: YOUR FAMILY 29
The pendulum of adolescence 33
Families are complex systems 34
Parenting as a verb 37
Overparenting 39
Discipline, boundaries and rules 43
Your acceptance of your parents’ parenting style 48
Siblings 56
Families: the best of times and the worst of times 62
CHAPTER 3: FRIENDS 65
Patterns in Female Friendship 69
Fitting in – finding your tribe 77
Problems in Friendships: socially awkward
and socially anxious 81
Boundaries 89
So now I’ve told you friendship is gonna be this way 92
CHAPTER 4: EMOTIONS, THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. 93
What are feelings? Emotions? Thoughts? 97
Your Emotional mind and your rational mind 101
Where are you in relation to your feelings? 106
Strong negative emotions: negative coping strategies 109
The foundations of good mental health 115
Actively managing your feelings 122
CHAPTER 5: ANXIETY AND WORRY 135
What is anxiety? 138
Internal and external triggers for anxiety 141
The spiral of anxiety 143
The spiral of anxiety in a social context 146
Why is now so stressful? 147
Anxiety Management 150
Behavioural management of anxiety 163
Don’t do your best; don’t be the best;
live your best life 173
CHAPTER 6: EDUCATION AND QUALIFICATIONS 175
Education and mental Health 179
There is another way: setting realistic expectations 189
The truth about university 196
Study smart not Long 201
The right to be a little bit naughty 209
CHAPTER 7: FOOD, EATING, WEIGHT
AND SHAPE 211
Beware the healthy eating messages 214
Your body shape 218
Your inaccurate body image 222
Dieting 228
How dieting leads to overeating:
the ‘what the hell?’ effect 235
A perfect storm: willpower and dieting 239
All or nothing eating and yo-yo dieting 242
Body satisfaction 244
How to eat 246
Food eating weight and shape: how to get
sanity in an insane world 249
CHAPTER 8: SCREENS AND THE INTERNET 253
24/7 culture 257
The impact of stimulation on mental wellbeing 261
Addicted to your screen? 264
The internet typhoon 265
Values and The Happiness Trap 266
Deciding and keeping to your values 272
Comparison and loneliness 275
Loneliness and vulnerability 281
It’s not enough; I’ve had enough; I’m not enough: 284
Screen freedom or screen slave? 285
CHAPTER 9: ATTRACTION, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX AND LOVE 287
LGBT-Q 292
Love and the wise mind 294
Why are you attracted to someone? 295
The thrill of the chase 300
Playing hard to get? 304
Love and self-respect: congrats, hun 308
Nurturing your sexuality 311
Final thoughts on love 318
Last Words 319
Acknowledgments 321
Want to know more? 323
Endnotes 325